Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
