how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
