Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
