I looked at my own cervix.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
