I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
