So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i have herpe
just one?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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