The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
