Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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