i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ruined the universe
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
