I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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