When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
