Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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