dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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