I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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