Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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