i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
