i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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