Non-Jews are for practice
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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