I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
