Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
