Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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