I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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