1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
