absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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