even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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