Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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