Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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