yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So much rum. So many feels.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
