did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
