just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
