someone threw a dead crab at me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
