He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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