Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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