Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
