Jerry, you need to find god
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
