so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
false alarm. still invincible.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
