"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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