fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
