HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
