smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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