You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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