im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
