I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
where are my eyebrows?
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