Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
