You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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