I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
