Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
