I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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