My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
