you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
