Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
