U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
