the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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