Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
