I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize