so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
