I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
