I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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