We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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