dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
