There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
