Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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