she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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