i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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