Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
