if you like me you must not know who I am
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
