when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
