His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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